Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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