there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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