I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
