I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
