Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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