There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
