My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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