Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
