Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
