how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
