i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
