oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
