I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
