So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
