I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
