dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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