Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
