Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
