got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
