somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
4 words: hood of his car
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
