I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
