As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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