you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
