he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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