Yo dont text me then not text me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
