Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
