his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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