I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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