i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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