I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
