we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
