apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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