And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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