he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
