no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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