Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
