and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
