if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
