i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
