Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
