you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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