If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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