I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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