YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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