lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
