All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
