She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
