SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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