hotel room ftw
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my being single is dangerous.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
