Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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