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I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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