I haven't been this sober since birth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
