I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
