Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
