I got chris browned last night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
