Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
