I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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