he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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